Overheard: Beer Commercial

Overheard watching a commercial during a football game today:

"Wow, that girl's got a great rack."

"Yeah, that's why she's in a beer commercial, genius."

Maxim Notices Alaska Bars

In the current issue of Maxim magazine is a feature on the best bars near military bases.

UNITED STATES COAST GUARD 17TH DISTRICT  The Village, Kodiak, AK Mix it up with crotchety old-timers and flirty coeds at this friendly, low-key log-cabin-like spot.

Will someone call me the next time there's flirty coeds down there? The entry for Fairbanks is even more enticing.

 FORT WAINWRIGHT AND EILSON AIR FORCE BASE Kodiak Jack’s & Tony’s Sports Bar, Fairbanks, AK Even when it’s cold out, bikini-clad, mechanical-bull-riding girls keep it hot in this saloon. Here's the link.

Oh so wrong...

Ran across this picture at the National Geographic and was stunned at several things, including the relative size of that shark. Let me count the ways....

1. These people are at least 30 feet underwater, possibly dangling over the Mariana Trench;
2. There's a shark;
3. It's a damn big shark;
4. The shark's mouth is open;
5. It's very close to the divers;
6. There are not enough bars on that shark cage;
7. There aren't nearly enough cables connecting that cage to the surface;
8. Some of those people aren't actually in the cage;
9. Did I mention that big freakin' shark in the immediate vicinity?
10. Who's taking this picture and how big is his shark cage?

Maybe this is Schrodinger's Blog....?

Coast Guard Alaska

Let's face it. Nobody talks more trash about the boys on base than I do (Sara Francis is not male and spared my wrath). It's a Kodiak thing, you wouldn't understand. But I have a confession. I'm addicted to the show they have on the Weather Channel.

No joke. Had I been much less of a nonconformist (double negative?) out of high school and not had a USCG rivalry injected into my blood by growing up here I think the whole rescue swimmer thing would have been a dream job. Maybe in my next life although I'm probably coming back to this world as a 300 pound woman  with one leg for all the bad jokes I've made since forever. Karma's got me in the cross hairs. 

Fat and 40 I can now only dream of being a bad arse jumping out of helicopters like a neoprene member of the A-Team, an A-School pimpdog frogman head-to-toe orange SOB. In fact I'd rather be a swimmer than a crabber if I had to choose between the two although the latter would probably have left me with more cash money, homie. Wait, I take that back. I'd still be broke. Financially and physically. So thanks Al Roker for throwing my wrong career choiceinmyface every Wednesday night. And I can honestly say I've never fantasized about being a weather man.

The only thing I don't like about it is Island Warrior Tom Bolen isn't stationed here to be part of it although you can find him in the extras on The Guardian DVD. 

No Mo' Weather Repo'ts

Sorry I've been gone but I gave up blogging for Russian Ramadan. Only Patrick reads our crap anyway....ANYWAY what is the deal at the Mirror doing stories about the weather all the time? Three inches of snow is hardly unusual in November or the typical gale warning. C'mon, man. This isn't San Diego. Here are the rules of reporting on weather in Kodiak:

Wind: Gotta blow triple digits otherwise it's just another storm. No stories until Dorothy's panties get itchy. OK? 

Rain: 2 inches within 24 hours or $200 on to the main stage at the Bush Company. Thunder and lightening are a maybe.

Snow: A foot in a day. Snow may not be an island specialty but until the Rock is moved to Puget Sound snow isn't that impressive. And that's a foot at the 50 yard line at Baranof Park, not some berm coming off the roof of the gear shed yall call an office. 

Sun: Any sighting of the sunshine is acceptable. If it hits 80 degrees. 

Other Acts of Jebus: Not weather so they are fair game HOWEVER earthquakes should be rolling a 5.0 on the Lionel Richie scale. Funnel cloud sightings are once a decade I'd guess so go for it. Hell, make one up and scare mudderphutters. Tsunamis are always legit but when they wash up measuring mere inches just say nothing happened. Because nothing happened. Mudslides only when they make contact with manmade crap. Not womanmade crap. Forest fires....yeah, right.

Northern Lights: Only for color photographs and acid flashbacks. 

We know these stories are filler but most of us have windows in ur homes and know what's going on outside. Except I'm in balmy Seattle so if you do keep posting weather stories know I'm the only one reading them. 

Dang, There Goes My Plan B

From NPR today:

In the more than three decades since the fall of the Khmer Rouge, Cambodia's society has seen vast changes. In traditional Cambodian society, arranged marriages were the norm, divorce was taboo and international marriages were rare.
But the recent surge in international marriages hit a speed bump with the new regulations. Now, the rules say, foreign men who want to marry Cambodian women must be under 50 years old and make more than $2,550 a month.

Thank You, Don Young, For Making My Day

He explains his propeller beanie in this YouTube video.

Ladies - Is Your Man Losing Interest?

Almost guaranteed to turn on every man in your life.

J&D’s baconlube™ is water based, proudly Made in America and is the gold standard of meat flavored massage oils.  baconlube is like the McRib of sex - it’s delicious, makes men crazy, is here for a limited time and is in short supply, so don’t miss out.  We only made 3,000 bottles of this pork flavored nectar and it’s available starting Tuesday November 15^th at www.baconlube.com for $11.99 – just in time to make for a very happy holiday season.