The Baranof Enquirer (commonly known as the Kodiak Daily Mirror) yesterday posted the results of their "Best Of Kodiak" contest where idiotically they ask the public's opinion instead of going straight to me. Of course I can't vote on hair salons so perhaps that's why they got all democratic on me and schmitt but there is on area I think they should have solely directed this way: Best Bar.
Why me? Stats don't lie.
- 18 years crawling the mall and a pace that should have but me in the grave by age 31.
- Mapped top five places to urinate in public without getting caught BEFORE Google Earth
- Co-sponsored the Boycott the Mecca campaign which is still going strong at 49 months.
- Breakers? Check. Ship's? Check. Diamond Jim's? Check. Beachcombers? Missed it by months. Damnit.
- Creator of the Drunk Bike Recycling Alternative Transportation System.
- Has never broken the Don't Date A Bartender Rule (although wanted to on several occasions).
- Did 15 different island bars on one New Years Eve....TWICE.
- Did a radio show from the roof of Tony's Bar during Crab Festival.
- Made SuperDave a household name.
My resume is deeper than your Greek philosophy instructor at UAF. I might not be a Coyote level black belt but don't F-word with me on this subject.
Or get me off the subject which is Best Bar. The award went to Bernie's. At first I found this hard to believe but after reviewing the vitals it makes a lot of sense. A diverse crowd, cuties behind the bar (not counting Bernie, of course), PBR Tall Boys, the "naked" DVD, DJ Marc, a pool room converted from a barber shop. Shall I keep going? Friendly security. A dancing alternative to the previously mentioned alternate that I'm still picketing in my mind. Coastie chicks singing badly. OK, running out of points here.
The drawbacks are few. The beer prices are higher than average around town but the selection is decent. The men's room looks fit for state prison executions. Make a bet with someone and the loser has to take a squat in there. I dare you. And they close at 2am to avoid trouble although that was still too late on Friday I'm told. What's with all the fighting downtown this past weekend, anyway? Kodiak turned into a pay per view UFC fight in the parking lots. When Harbor Patrol is called to the back alley behind the Villagio things are getting a tad out of control. Chill out.
So although I should have been the one to choose the Best Bar in Kodiak there is a good chance I'd have come to the same conclusion although I'd be swayed by the next establishment to join the 21st century and ban smoking.
Or get me off the subject which is Best Bar. The award went to Bernie's. At first I found this hard to believe but after reviewing the vitals it makes a lot of sense. A diverse crowd, cuties behind the bar (not counting Bernie, of course), PBR Tall Boys, the "naked" DVD, DJ Marc, a pool room converted from a barber shop. Shall I keep going? Friendly security. A dancing alternative to the previously mentioned alternate that I'm still picketing in my mind. Coastie chicks singing badly. OK, running out of points here.
The drawbacks are few. The beer prices are higher than average around town but the selection is decent. The men's room looks fit for state prison executions. Make a bet with someone and the loser has to take a squat in there. I dare you. And they close at 2am to avoid trouble although that was still too late on Friday I'm told. What's with all the fighting downtown this past weekend, anyway? Kodiak turned into a pay per view UFC fight in the parking lots. When Harbor Patrol is called to the back alley behind the Villagio things are getting a tad out of control. Chill out.
So although I should have been the one to choose the Best Bar in Kodiak there is a good chance I'd have come to the same conclusion although I'd be swayed by the next establishment to join the 21st century and ban smoking.
Can we expect a ranking of bars and/or bartenders from ye? I see in the same poll that Pat Gibbs of the Rondy won best bartender, and she certainly did serve us beer with efficiency and kindness on Friday afternoon.
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