Season Record: 0-3
Told you I suck at this. Whateva. Instead of walking downtown and watching Aliens & Cowboys at the Orpheum for a review on here I decided to play My Grandma Is F-Wording A Tranny From Alaska on a loop and crank up the volume to eleven. My hips hurt too much to walk downtown and get my bike from the nine hour drinking marathon I managed last night. In fact, I rode a bike down, got a ride home, then rode a second bike back to the bar after dinner. Double drunk bike, bitches. One still remains locked to a parking sign in an alley somewhere. When I figure it out I'll go get it. Picking football games, where I parked the Pizza Chris mountain bike (yes, the same bike that did the Tour De Tony's violating the Sandy People and made the Kessel Run in less than twelve parsecs), I'm just clueless right now. Maybe I should just find some random four year old child in the bar to pick three games for me.
Dallas @ San Francisco +3
Hey, told you Dallas was good. Kinda. Now if I had to pick between watching this game and Aliens & Cowboys I'd probably have to flip a coin. I have Witten on my fantasy team but I'm a closet sci-fi dork. And then there is the issue of James Bond. This Daniel Craig has been known to turn straight guys into Romos. If you stare too long, something like ten seconds, the gene flips the script and then you are playing for the other team. Insert Seinfeld line here. Only watching a half day marathon of Baywatch reruns can turn you back and I don't have that kind of time. But it is Thursday and missed my last chance for the flick so I guess I'd have to go with the San Francisco game. What?
Nick's Pick: COWBOYS
Baltimore -6 @ Tennessee
Dear Matt,
I know we haven't talked since you walked out on me. Do I miss you? You were my man. MY MAN. But I would take you back, if, you know, wanted to, like, come back or something. You know they don't care about you like I do. Just a bunch of rednecks and hillbillies who prefer college football anyway. So how's our precious bundle of Jake-Jake adjusting to the South? Is he eating well? Please take good care our our little boy. I love you.
Yours forever,
Man 12
PS- Did you get the flowers? And be careful. That brute Ray Lewis is a bad bad man.
Nick's Pick: RAVENS
San Diego @ New England -6
Tom Brady looked so good on the field PLAYING FOOTBALL that I really don't see the point of having a season this year. My team put up 37 yards of offense in the first half of their game. Makes me sick. So maybe I should just act like the lockout happened and find a different sport to occupy my time. A sport like Masskrugstemmen. Tell me this isn't the next great KMXT fundraiser. Tell it to my face. I say we do four at a time with arms over a kiddie pool (not for kids, of course) in the bar. Once the pool is full chicks wrestle me in it for charity (small c). Maybe we can raise enough to get Wolfboy back. Or get Tom Brady a better haircut.
Nick's Pick: Patriots
