Dinner is almost ready so I'm making this short.
I decided to fake being a good person and take some kids to see this movie knowing it might move me back to the bar after dropping them off at home. Only my last remaining ounce of will power prevented me from hitting Tony's and buying the whole bottle of Crown to erase the horror I'd just witnessed.
Smurfs starts off like a cartoon but soon crossed worlds much like Enchanted did. Yeah, I saw Enchanted. Tell anyone and I'll Victornox you open leave your gut pile for the bears. They end up in post 9/11 New York City and are touched by TSA agents in ways Smurfs should not be touched. This politically motivated film is directly aimed at the Patriot Act. I think Micheal Moore directed it.
Gargamel, played by Hank Azaria, looked too much like the San Diego Padres mascot which ruined the realness of it all. Everything else I figure could happen.
The only voice I recognized was of that Lopez guy who was after Conan and got canned. And Doogey Houser. Sofia Vergara saved the movie by not being a cartoon.
The only thing that reminded me of the original Smurfs cartoons was Smurfette is still a little whore.
But more puzzling than the movie are the posters around the theater declaring Arizona got it right and the rest of the country ain't squat. Immigration? Taking Bristol Palin from us? I don't get it. I don't want to get it.
My boycott of the Villagio may have ended because of my love of my fellow man, but my Orpheum boycott is going strong - and will continue as long as Tom Thumb is tea-bagging there.
ReplyDeleteBased on this post, I can only assume you hate yourself.
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